La Vita e Bella

Ceremony Photos!

2007-10-31T18:47:00.000+01:00

Just wanted to say thank you for all of you who contributed to my project! It was greatly appreciated by both me and the people of my village. You guys are awesome :D Here are some photos which my counterpart finally sent me last week. More pictures to come :]

Cooking with Samira (That's Me!)

2007-07-08T11:43:00.000+01:00

Text of the Week:
Galen: I think it is better for the world when you don't have access to technology.
Ha! You lob me and my blog! :]

The most popular questions I get (Other than the "Are you alive?" variety?) are the food questions. Such questions cover a broad range of topics related to all things edible.

Do you eat bushmeat?! Are you suffering from malnutrition?! Can I have your mailing address, so that I can send you protein bars?! Do you have a refrigerator in your house?! Do you walk uphill, both ways, to fetch your water?! Is it true that if I roll a Cheerio down a mountain in Africa, it will start a continent-wide marathon?! Etc.

To quell the anxiety, I have decided to invite you all into my kitchen, a la Rachel Ray.

As you can see, my kitchen is equipped with everything one could ever desire. Sink? Oven? Fridge? Freezer? Toaster? Microwave? Coffee maker? Dinglehoppers? Countertops? Electricity? Running water? Such unnecessary trifles! Who needs them when you’ve got a range top, some propane, and a water filter (free amoebas and gas fires, as an added bonus!)? For the more inquiring minds, that is neither cocaine nor marijuana (both rather cheap and ubiquitous here) on the floor. It is boric acid. No, it is not something you snort. Well, I suppose you could, if you were so inclined. However, a more appropriate usage is as bug repellent. For my fellow volunteers, wondering if that is really my swearing-in paigne (Did you know that paigne means “loincloth?” Shows what the French think of African people:p), which I cut up and used as shelf lining… Yes. It is.

Today (in only 30 minutes), we will be preparing a (somehwat?) delightful and (questionably?) healthy pasta dish!

1. Make pasta. If I have lost you already, please turn back now. Prepare refreshing lukewarm beverage while you wait.

2. Powdered Milk + Powdered Seasoning = Sauce.

3. Add Meat Product & Spices. Cook.

4. Eat, drink, and be merry :]

In other news, my neighbor had a baby last week. Guess what the baby's name is? Her name is Sandra. I am so not joking with you. I asked them about 5 times. And they kept laughing at me.

Me: Quel est son nom? (What is her name?)
Neighbor: Sandra!
Me: Umm... Non... pas mon nom... son nom!! (Umm... No... not my name... her name!)
Neighbor: Sandra! *laughing*
Me: Son nom! *points frantically at the baby to get my point across*
Neighbor: Sandra!!!! C'est son nom! (That's her name!)
Me: Ce n'est pas vrai! (It is not true!)
Neighbor: Oui, c'est vrai! (Yes, it is true!)
Me: Vraiment? (Really?)
Neighbor: * laughing even harder* Oui, bien sur. (Yes, of course.)

And on that note... Go Download this and Help me with my Project :P Thanks!!! Je t'aime!!

Happy Belated (sorry I have been MIA!) Birthdays to:
Jennifer Eunice- Hello?! Pick up the phone. You're on the request line :p (Got that one from Animal:D)
Lindsay- Those pictures you sent are too cute! Can't wait to see you!
The United States of America- You have never looked so good.

And a special shoutout to Mrs. F! Just because your daughter will be so amused by it! :D Haha! Hope you guys are all doing well :]

102

2007-06-24T09:34:00.000+01:00

The number above is:

a) A quantitative measure (in Fahrenheit) of a typical day in Cameroon.
b) My average test score in Organic Chemistry II (As if).
c) Six numbers away from my original Girl Scout troop.
d) My median body temperature for the past few days, thanks to a parasitic invasion :p
e) The approximate monthly salary (USD) for a Peace Corps Volunteer.
f) All of the above.
g) None of the above.
h) Only A, C, D, and E.

And on that note…
Download This Document (AHCP.doc) To Read About My Peace Corps Project!!!
Please Help Me If You Can!
Because you love me :D

Because I Promised

2007-06-18T13:57:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week:
Casey: You smell kind of like cucumbers...

:D Soooo... Like the title says...

Hmmm... lots going on...

However, since I am a bit incapacitated, I will be outsourcing the entertainment today :]

I do not have the time to search for it right now, because I'm about to hop back on the train... But the BBC did a show on The Arab-Israeli Cookbook, on their World Drama program. I think there is a link to the audio on that page... If not, it is worth the search. Listen to it, if you can :]

We will be back to your regularly programmed amusement any day now... perhaps even tomorrow:D Muah!

I Am Not Dead

2007-06-17T09:07:00.000+01:00

Text of the Week:
Me: You will never guess where I am right now…
(And they couldn’t!)

Thanks to the barrage of emails and text messages which I have received recently, I know that my fellow volunteers were not the only ones wondering where the heck I was and what I was up to. Hahaha:D Hehehehe :D I would tell you… but then I would have one less thing to giggle about.

Well, I suppose the least I can do is give you a vague recount of my whereabouts and doings. So… the last month or so… I’ve been around. Doing things. I was thinking the other day about how amusing it would be if I had my own reality TV show. But then I realized that the whole lack-of-electricity thing would really hinder a camera crew in my village. And also, if Peace Corps administration had the opportunity to witness my daily happenings (such as giggling to myself for extended periods of time), I would probably get “whack-evacked” (the endearing term we use for the volunteers who get evacuated due to “mental issues.”).

I am in Yaoundé right now, so I am kind of tired thanks to the overnight train. Although, the train made it in only 17 hours this time! Awesome. I know that this post sucks a lot, but I just wanted to let you all know that I am alive and well:] Sorry for not including a comments section in my last post. I do not even know how I managed that one. I have edited it, so that now you can go back and leave many amusing comments for my previous post:] I promise a more entertaining post tomorrow, when I am more awake! Now you have something to look forward to:] You are welcome:]

Happy Father’s Day to all of you men wondering where the children in your house came from and why they eat all of your food and money :D That means YOU, Dad:D And many others, I am sure:] Love!

Mommies and Magic

2007-05-13T10:17:00.000+01:00

One of the (millions of) wonderful things which my Mommy brought me from the greatest country on Earth was a pushlight thing. One of those circular lights with the adhesive on the back that you can stick on walls in closets and such. My Mom was reading one night while I was being entertained by this seemingly magical electronic device, bopping it over and over again and giggling to myself. She looks up from her book.
Mom: … Is that going to become an extension of your sock puppets?
Me: (Looks at Mommy as if she is crazy.) Um… Mom… the light obviously does not talk…
I mean, really…

As most of you know, my Mommy came to visit me for 3 weeks. We had a grand old time! Surprisingly:D Some of you often ask me how I got to be so fly. Well, just look at this lady! Can you believe that she is gonna be -- years old on Wednesday?! Did you actually think I was going to post her age? She is already gonna kill me for posting this picture.

My mother is a woman of many talents. However, these talents do not include photography. Since fair is fair, I combed the pictures she took for one in which she had not cut off my head. In this one, she only cut off my lower half. That’s progress.

My Mommy and I in Kribi. I think it is crazy that I do not look like a chocolate cream puff (I ate about 300 of them) in this picture. Our IST was held in Kribi. We stayed at a very nice hotel, in which we were fed buffet upon buffet of the most glorious French cuisine and seafood. We had also spent a couple days in Yaounde beforehand and feasted appropriately. When in Rome… it was Game On. So, I dunno… Either I have some killer genes, magical powers (semi-true), or a combination of worms and amoebic dysentery. I’m kind of leaning towards the last option.

Anywho, Kribi was delightful! We did not want to leave, despite the long training sessions and the “I Am Dying” incident… And it was wonderful to see all of you crazies again. I cannot believe it had been 4 months since I had seen all y’all! I do not even know what to say about all of it. So I’ll leave it at “a la prochaine!”

When the vacation was over and we had to trudge back up north to the desert, obviously I was a little sad. But who knew what 2 weeks of rain could do?? Before we left for IST, the rainy season had just begun up north. As the train pulled into my province, I was glued to the window. What was all of this… greenery?! This plant life! More magic?! I did not even recognize the place! And the rain! That sweet sweet rain… it has been raining every day since then and I love it. Minus when I have to travel through it… Speaking of, Kelly and I were bushtaxi-ing it back to post last week when our bushtaxi broke down (as usual). So everyone piled out and sat by the side of the road while the car was being worked on. Kel says, “Well, at least the weather is nice.” Of course, at that moment, the clouds roll in. Followed by lightning, then thunder, then a torrential downpour, then… get this… hail. Hail. Huge chunks of hail. In sub-saharan Africa. We thought it was the Apocalypse. Everyone ran for the closest shelters. Wisely, Kelly and I chose one with holes in the roof. End of segue.

My village was so enchanted with my Mom… even before they saw her carrying the bucket of water on her head (“Samira! Why can’t you be an African woman like your Mom?! Why do you carry the water by the handle like a Nassara?!” Um… because that is what handles are for?) Apparently, she even speaks Fufulde better than me. What sort of sorcery was this? Voodoo? I do not know. But it was all good, cuz it was nice to have the fishbowl attention (which makes me want to kill myself with a spoon at times) dispersed between us:]

My counterpart and my supervisor took us on their motos to the waterfalls in a nearby village.

Good times:] When my Mom was leaving, I tried to be all stoic; giving her the “See ya when I see ya” sort of hug. As soon as her taxi pulled away, Kelly and Sara asked me how I was doing. And I started to cry. Hahahaha:D I know, how old am I? To give myself some credit, it wasn’t a girly inundation of tears. It was a dignified “My eyes are watery due to allergies” sort-of-cry. So there:p

Happy Birthday!!
To Mommy!
To My Alyosha (Kwasifer)!
Happy Engagement!!
To Kate! Even though we all saw it coming from a billion miles away:D Did you get a stripper for the party already? I hope it’s not Jay :/ No offense, Jay :D See you guys next month :]
And lastly, but certainly not least(ly?)
Happy Mother’s Day!!
To all you ladies out there doing your best to make sure that the rest of us keep it together:]

Ben Taylor wrote a song for his mom, Carly Simon. It is cute, so I’ll post a bit of it. I know what you guys are thinking: “Sandra? Do you even know who Carly Simon is?? How did you know that she had a son??” Well, when one listens to NPR, one discovers many things about white people and their music:p It’s called being cultured :p Or something like that.

There is nothing that I can do, but belong to you
Heaven and Earth and I find myself
Singing this song for you
As luck would have it, it just so happens, that there's
Nothing I'd rather do…

Mom: I am not even gone yet and I miss you already...
Me: I have that affect on people.

Promiscuous Girl

2007-04-28T16:50:00.001+01:00

Text Message of the Week:
Kelly: Babe, your man is passing with flying colors, surprisingly. Even Casey is d’accord. Imagine that sh*t! He is more of a man than the dried eggs imply. Smoke that.
Haahahhahaha!! Kel, I nearly fell out of bed laughing when I read this. Case, stop playa hatin’. Hate the game.

I am going to share some of my more substantial thoughts today. Inspired by the To-Do List from a previous post, I decided to make my own “To-Do” list:] Since I am playing Devil’s Advocate, please assume the conditions to be ideal. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I am not actually any of the following: a man, a pedophile, a necrophile, jail-bait, a lesbian, a fictional character, a home-wrecker, a stalker, a gold digger, or Nelly Furtado. And now, without further ado and in no particular order: Wham. Bam. Thank You, Ma’am.

1) Ari HeSoFine (That boy was the reason we went to work… and did overtime…)
2) Jonathon Yeminy (That boy was the reason we rode the bus… at absurd hours of the day… unnecessarily… good times, girls :D)
3) Hehehehehe! Sorry, I cannot bring myself to type his name. Some of you already know, so just :::mentally picture his name here::: If you are picturing your own name… Well… I guess it is good that you think so highly of yourself:/
4) That dude on that VCR/DVD infomercial thing who looks like Erik’s brother.
5) Erik’s brother (That’s right:D)
6) Jordan Wall (Still. Actually, I’d need to see a recent picture first.)
7) Lee Pen(cil me in)der (Cuz he’s a rock star!)
8) The guy at the Wawa who makes sandwiches:D (Yah, him. Give him my number. And an international phone card >:])
9) Vince (Not Adrian Grenier. Okay, maybe Adrian Grenier.)
10) Ari Gold (Not Jeremy. Definitely not Jeremy)
11) Jim Caviezel (Uh… Did you see him in The Count of Monte Cristo?? AND he’s Jesus?? Bonus.)
12) Tobey Maguire (Not Spiderman.)
13) Elijah Wood (Not hobbits:/)
14) Ewan MacGregor (And most of his characters.)
15) Josh Groban (Obvious.)
16) Aaron McGruder (My Dad would be so proud.)
17) Neil Gaiman (I would become Jewish for him.)
18) Douglas Adams (I bet he is making God laugh right now.)
19) Alton (and Alton.)
20) Not Trishelle (Cuz she’s trash.)
21) Professor Robinson (No, I am not stealing from your dating pool, Chenkay… He is not over 50… or at least, he does not look it…)
22) Kenneth Branaugh (Go ahead and laugh. You just don’t kno:p)
23) Craig David (He is not even all that anymore… maybe it’s the accent.)
24) LL (Not THAT one! Eww, I am not Nazish. I mean the one who “represents Queens.”)
25) Angelina Jolie (Der.)
26) Saira Mohan (Have you seen her??)
27) Salma Hayek (Ditto.)
28) Reese Witherspoon (How could he?? Did they have a pre-nup??)
29) River Crazyface (Cuz she’s good at everything.)
30) Inara (Cuz she’s a pro. And an ambassador.)
31) Dean Kamen (Bling Bling! Erm... I mean… he’s so smart and charitable!)
32) Curtis (So he wears a little makeup… As if you don’t:p)
33) Logan Huntsberger (I know. So not my type. But he’s not Rory’s either, so :p)
34) Prince William (Obviously.)
35) Colin Farrel (Cuz who hasn’t?)
36) Dr. Burke (And Isaiah, pre-verbal diarrhea.)
37) Dr. George (Obviously not T.R. Knight.)

If anyone on this list (or anyone who resembles anyone on this list) happens to be reading this… let me know if you’re interested. If you want to be added, send me a convincing email with an even more convincing picture attached. :::Goes to check her email:::

This I Believe

2007-04-14T21:39:00.000+01:00

As many of you already know, my Mom's flight gets in on Monday!! I am meeting her in Yaounde and I am excited like whoa! Sorry that I have been MIA for a bit. We had IST (training) this week on the beautiful beaches on Kribi. It took us 3 days to get back down to the south, but it was so worth it. I will post pictures from IST soon. Anywho, I wrote an essay for This I Believe awhile ago. I am gonna post it here, as a sort of Bienvenue to my Mommy. Also, Mom, even though you will be arriving to this:

Prepare yourself. Because we will be heading back up north at the end of the week... to this:

“You’re here,” the Doctor said, as the car slowed. I peered about, but could not make out much through the swirling red dust. As it settled, I realized that it made no matter. Looking out on the vast sea of apparent nothingness, I had decided that the dust had been an enhancement to the aesthetics of my surroundings. Where am I? What am I doing? I thought, paralyzed as I awaited the theme from The Twilight Zone to drift through the sweltering air.

The twelve weeks of language, technical, and cultural training had hardly been a cakewalk. As I stepped out of the crowded, dilapidated vehicle, it occurred to me that things were not about to get any easier. At least, not before they got much more difficult. A billion miles away from home and its comforts (electricity, running water, air-conditioning, Panera Bread…), the only direction which I could walk was forward. Don’t Panic, I whispered to myself, a feeble prayer. As my predecessor had written to me, “Just suck it up and deal with it. If you’ve made it through training, then you’re officially a volunteer. Welcome to the Corps, baby!” With those words of encouragement in my head, I watched as the vehicle pulled away and left me, quite literally, in the dust.

Had anyone told us that we would soon be crying for our training days of yore… rigid schedules, classes, exams, home-stay families, and all… we would have died of laughter. Freshmen are always cute that way. Every few weekends, I would meet up with some of the other volunteers in our provincial capital. I would spend the entire ride daydreaming about the glorious showers, the wonderful e-mails, and the divine English-speaking expatriates which awaited me. For the first couple of months, I practically had a countdown going for the rendezvous; tears of joy streaking the dust on my face as my personal Mecca came into view.

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said that “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Sometimes we get a little too comfortable, for too long. Life becomes a mechanical shadow of what was once the experience of living. I believe in getting a little uncomfortable. The amount, and the gravity, of the things which you will learn about yourself, about others, and about the world will blow you away. Even more astonishing (and sometimes, just plain frightening) will be the things which others will learn both from and about you.

When I first arrived, everyone in the village referred to me simply as “The Nassara” (translation- the white woman). Now they call me “Madame Docteur.” Although, neither title is accurate (as I’ve explained many times), I suppose it is an improvement. Admittedly, I still look forward to my trips to the capital. However, now, I also smile on my way back home.

Moving On:
Happy Birthday Chenkay!! Get out of your freaking office and go have some fun! Wall Street will still be there when you return:p I mean, I know you are pretty special, but it is not going to crumble in your absence... weirdo... Ilobu:]

It’s Not You… It’s Me. Oh, Wait. It is You.

2007-03-25T08:51:00.000+01:00

Mom: That one post makes it sound like you don’t bathe every day.
Me: Hmm.
Mom: You do bathe every day, right?
Me: Mommy, Mommy… can we talk about important things?
Mom: …

While I was in one of Peace Corps book closets (BTW- There is some weird junk in the PC libraries… makes me wonder about my fellow volunteers… :/) the other day, I was thinking about how funny it is that books (I suppose movies/tv, also) are very much like people. What sparked this epiphany? Well, as some of you already know I am a major BookWhore™. Ya know how kids stash candy, magazines, and various other naughty things under their pillows and mattresses (or in the case of my thoughtful residents, in the shared folders on the network servers)? So when Mommy would come in to turn off the light…You know the deal. Listen for the receding footsteps… wait a few more moments… and whip it out. Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I would be whipping out a Norton anthology and a flashlight. I would read several books a week (still do); you wouldn’t believe how many novels I read during my Genetic Engineering class. Anywho, my point is that I am always so caught up in BookLust™ , that I very rarely reread any of them.

So, when I found myself rereading a book the other day, I thought about it and realized that for me to read/reread a book a) It has to be show-stoppingly good [The Red Tent] b) I need to refresh my memory in order to read the sequel [Game of Thrones] c) It totally went over my head the first time [Take your pick of countless undergrad textbooks] d) I need some specific information on a topic [Waking Up Dry: A Guide to Help Children Overcome Bedwetting], or e) It was free and there was nothing else around [Just a Geek]. Then, I started to contemplate my book choices, in general.

The Show-Stopper
You know the type. You pick it up cuz it catches your eye for no specific reason (or for several VERY specific ones); and you just cannot put it down. Not only that, but you have reread it several times. And it seems to get better each time. Almost as if it rewrites itself… like an autonomous robot. You want to have a cigarette after each read. And you’re not even a smoker.
Book Examples: A Wrinkle in Time, The Count of Monte Cristo, H2G2, etc.
People Examples: Angelina Jolie, Me, etc.

The Diamond in the Rough
That is one hideous-looking book over there in the corner… And what is that label it is wearing? Never heard of it. It is quite easy to avoid (or to altogether, fail to notice) the wallflower. No glamour, no glitz, no recognizable name. You cannot even tell what it is about by its title. But you decide to read it anyway; and you’re glad that you did:]
Book/Movie Examples: Flowers for Algernon, The Parable of the Sower, etc.
People Examples: Hahaha… hehehehe… teeheehee… hohoho… :D!

The Surprise Popular Choice
What is right, is rarely popular. And what is popular, (although often amusing as a form of entertainment) is rarely right. [i.e. –My Super Sweet 16, Flavor of Love, The DaVinci Code, Hummers, Leaders of Certain Free Nations – ya like how discrete I was there, huh? Big Brother is watching:p Especially now that someone linked my blog to the freakin Peace Corps Blog directory! >:O Who did it?! Thanks a lot, poopyface!! :::breathes fire!:::]… So, there’s that new book that everyone who is anyone has been talking about. And yah, it’s pretty-looking. But being intelligent, you initially avoid it like the plague. Until one day, out of a mixture of curiosity and boredom (and the fact that it was basically dropped in your lap), you decide to give it a shot. Lo, and behold! It has substance! Perhaps there is still a shred of hope left for mankind.
Book Examples: Harry Potter, A Prayer for Owen Meany, Me Talk Pretty One Day, etc.
People Examples: Edward Norton, Will Smith, etc.

The “Are You For Real, Girl?”
To this day you do not know what made you lightly brush off your girls when they asked you this question. You just liked it, okay?! Your girls gave the cover of that one a quick once-over. They did not even need to see the book jacket. They just told you to put that mess down and to spend your time on bigger and better things. A part of you said that you should listen… but… why don’t they see how charming this little gem is?! After a brief (read- too long) infatuation, you also begin to wonder why you thought this one was so great. Good thing the next Harry Potter comes out soon.
Movie Examples: Save the Last Dance (Yah, yah. Leave me alone:p), Bring It On, etc.
People Examples: Come on. You think I’d take the cheap shot? Besides, in the words of DC3 “Cuz my momma taught me better than that!”

The WTF?!
Okay. So you saw this wreck coming from miles away. But it was just so… SHINY!! Promising hours of sheer amusement and/or terror! You needed a senseless laugh that day. Man, YouTube is so great. You pick this one up… try to read it several times… have no idea what is going on or why… You eventually finish it… and you still have no idea what happened or why. But it had some pure schadenfreude moments.
Movie Examples: Welcome to the Dollhouse, Scary Movie, etc. (You laughed/cried too!)
People Examples: Jessie Spano when she was “So Excited.” Screech and his… erm… film debut.

Do you have a book or movie (or person:]) to add to one of these categories? I’m always up for recommendations, so leave me a comment :]

In Other News: Chad came to visit me earlier this week, and it was so nice to speak English with someone, even if it was just Chad. Haha:D He did bring me a pineapple though! Hi Chad! And then my week got even better!!! Well… sort of… I almost fell out of my bed the next day, because it sounded like someone was machine-gunning my house… La saison pluie (the rainy season) has begun! African rain is no joke, but I was so excited to have some [very transitory] relief from the freakin heat. I threw off my clothes and rain outside in my underwear (See, Mom? I am clean). I was halfway through my celebratory dance (about 5 min. later)… when the clouds moved out faster than a fat kid chasing a cake… and once again, the African sun blazed down upon me. In a moment of rage, I demolished an ant hill, and went back inside.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS TO:
Kanene Jean!!! Miss you, Girl! Have a good one! Hope your man buys you something divine! :D I bet he doesn’t make you exploding not-so-microwaveable cookies :D! Though, that was all you… :/ When do I get my wedding invitation? :p

Sheldon!! :D Miss you, too! Hope you are not working too hard and find time to hold it down in the Midwest:] Someone needs to show those people how we do. Represent :]

I Probably Think This Song is About Me

2007-03-11T08:39:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week: I can kill you with my mind. ~ River *

Earlier this week, I was having a super-fly day. My French was flowing like a gentle brook. I was understanding (or, at least, I thought that I was understanding… hmm… maybe that dude didn’t want me to pee into that cup…) some Fufulde. My clothes were clean. I was on top of my paperwork. I was making progress with the women’s group (some of you may recall the Infamous Pitoa Pousse-Pousse Disaster of 2006). In short, I could paint with all of the colors of the wind.

Anyhow, I got this electronic Sudoku thing for Christmas (Thanks Kwasifer!) and I have gotten into the habit of completing a puzzle from each level, each day. I flew through the levels, beating all of my record times. I was speeding through the last level (previous record: 4 min. 38 sec), when I caught a glimpse of something startling reflected in the screen. Puzzled, I froze… with only 6 more cells to fill and a time of 3 min, 5 sec. It was ME!! I will take a moment to remind you that I have no mirrors in my house (which is the last of my concerns, as far as things lacking in my house). I was so excited that I was finally gonna beat the most difficult level in well under 4 minutes! So, I figured that I could afford to revel in this beauty for a moment before continuing on with my cerebral endeavor. And so, I did. Except… I guess that… in the world of beautiful things… time operates differently… Cuz when I finally came to, with a sigh of the exquisite nature, I saw that my time now read 20 minutes, 32 seconds… So, much for beating that record… Did I fall into a fleeting coma?

* As I have previously mentioned, I have a family of bats living in between the aluminum plates of my roof. They like to wake me up multiple times every night. After one particularly awful night, I was walking home from the health center and thinking murderous thoughts about my housemates. I returned home, unlocked the door, and lying on the floor in the doorway was a dead bat. 1 down, 49 to go… :::goes to apply to MENSA::: BTW- If you don’t know who River is… shame on you.

Morals of the Day:
1. Finish your freakin work, before taking your pleasures (As if RPI didn’t teach me this, but I guess I needed a reminder).
2. Watch your thoughts… for they become your actions.

PS- If you hear an earth-shattering cry of anguish anytime soon... that is me, crying that the batteries in my Sudoku game have died.

PPS:
For my fellow volunteers... Okay, which one of you posted this? I congratulate you. Whoever it was, just want to let you know that we ALL feel you:
To-Do List

For my fellow Africans... and other interested weirdos. As some of you may know, Ghana recently celebrated it's 50th anniversary. I heard it was quite the party! Virtually every station coming through my shortwave has had commentary and shows on it. The BBC did a pretty good job, so podcast away:
BBC World Service
BBC Africa Have Your Say
NPR- Ghana's 50th
CN- Ghana Celebrates
Town Hall- Celebrating What?
All Africa- Ghana
All Africa- Ghana's Future
Joy Online- Ghana

Reader Mail

2007-02-25T08:55:00.000+01:00

After such a somber post, I thought I would follow up with something light-hearted and unmushy. Questions that I have received via emails and texts from all of you crazies! I will stick to initials, to preserve the dignity of my fans.

N asked:
oh p.s. i was wondering since u dont take showers very often, how do u keep...how should i say...fresh? lol

N,
Well, obviously “FRESHAZIMIZ” is not my current theme song. Indeed, remaining “fresh” in the African Sahel is more art than science. And though I am not the Rembrandt of this realm, I have learned a few secrets. I shall now impart them onto you, for future reference.

1. Baby wipes. Many volunteers scoff at the use of toilet paper. They feel this is not “Corps” enough. They will use anything other than TP to prove their hardcore-ness… sandpaper, old copies of the International Newsweeks that we get… poison ivy leaves… pages from the Peace Corps manual…their hands… etc. So… I’m really putting it all out on front street right now… by admitting that I spend a little bit extra… bypass the TP… and purchase baby wipes… Say what you will, my fellow PCVs! Call me prissy! Sticks and stones may break my bones… but at least my butt is cleaner than yours…
2. Body Spray. Shipped from the good old U.S. and A.
3. Face and Feet. I have found that if these parts of you are clean (especially for the women, cuz their clothing covers all other parts of their body)… that is, the visible parts… people tend to assume you clean :D
4. Clean/Pressed Clothing. My laundry boy is on point! Washing clothes in the desert is no easy task… yet… he amazes me every week… even heats up a rock and irons them… My clothes look better here than they look in the US… it’s quite sad.
---
P asked:
What’s the most difficult part?

P,
Figuring out unwritten cultural laws can be tricky. For instance, there has been a chicken wandering around my yard for a week… I have not had chicken in so long… But I do not know how this works. How long does the chicken have to be on my property before I can claim it as my own? I mean… I’ve been feeding it and fattening it up… and praying that it does not have avian flu… does that mean that its mine now? And if not… what happens if I eat it anyway?
---
J asked:
What do they eat of birthdays? Foo foo?

J,
Yes.
---
C asked:
Have you found your future husband yet?

C,
Although many Cameroonians seem to think that Peace Corps is actually a Cameroonian matchmaking program… all I can say is: No, thank you. Although, PC Cameroon has the highest rate of volunteer marriages… I will definitely not be part of those statistics… No offense, Cameroon.
---
L asked:
Hey, what happens if you get HIV/AIDS?

As you already know, in order to contract HIV, I’d hafta be a) Scrumping (Believe me, not happening). b) Have some other sort of exchange of fluids (i.e. blood transfusion, accidental needle prick, etc.). or c) Breast-fed (Also not happening). Now, in the case of (B), the PC medical office has a PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis). The trouble is… the treatment is only available in the Yaounde office (which is over 24 hours away from everyone in my staige) and it is only effective if taken within the first 72 hours of exposure… so… um… if that does happen… I suppose that I will hope on a cheetah and be on my way.
---
A asked:
How did you let this happen to me? How did you let it be so long before I wrote you?!

A,
What?
---
G asked:
What do you do for fun there?

G,
You know… I was just talking to Molly (one of my sock puppets) about this the other day… about the new friends I was making and hanging out with. She was making fun of me, cuz I had started talking to Joanne (one of my shadow puppets). I think Molly is just jealous (she has low self-esteem).
---
Everyone asked:
Do you miss me?! I bet you have forgotten all about me!! Why don’t you update your blog more often?? When are you coming back home?!

Dear Everyone,
Of course, I miss you, stewpedheads. I do not update my blog more often because I live in the bush (I do not have running water out here, yet alone a wireless connection), it takes 2-7 hours (I’m totally serious about that variable… One day it takes 3 hours… the next….5… the next 7… And its gonna take longer once the rainy season starts) to get to the nearest internet café, and half the time… I trek down there and the internet is down >:/ And you know how I roll. I’ll come home when my job is done, and not a moment sooner :] Well… unless I am MedEvaced (medically evacuated- knock on wood)

Quick shout-out!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAYS!
Jingy!
Amrita!

You guys are so old!! :D Hope it was a good one, and that you did not do anything that I wouldn’t do :o Of course, this means that it is acceptable for you guys to go commando for days on end:]

Tidbit: So Sylvie (acting APCD) and Ruth (Security Officer) came to visit me last weekend. We were talking about how to contact me in case of an emergency (I’m the only volunteer in my staige who does not have cell phone service at his/her post). Ruth asked me the location of the nearest place I could get reception. I told her that there was a village about 16 km (? Miles) away, in which I could use my phone. Then she says, “Can you ride your bike there?” Of course, I burst out laughing! They want me to ride my brand new (read: ready to be stolen) mountain bike… ?? miles… down a bandit-filled “road” made of dust and potholes… in 118°F… to make a phone call? Surely, they jest! It was then that I realized that neither of them was laughing with me… :/ I am gonna have killer thighs… They also brought me a lot of mail and packages... most of it postmarked in December... It was like having Christmas all over again. Many very belated thank-yous:]

PS- What is this that I hear about Ivanka Trump and Topher Grace? What a combo…

Roses & Thorns (aka- The Valentine’s Day Entry) *CBT

2007-02-11T09:24:00.000+01:00

* CBT = Cheesy, But True. A warning for those of you who like to skip the sentimental posts. I know that I do.

As some of you already know, we used to hafta do this stewped activity at the end of our RA meetings called “Roses and Thorns.” It was a basically a time to b*tch about all of your residents and then applaud yourself for accomplishing great tasks, such as not getting drunk until your 14th shot at that party last night. Anyhow, as many of you already know. I hated these meetings, in general (It was worse than the staff meetings at Summertech. Love you, Steve!). But specifically, I hated Roses & Thorns. Mine usually went something like this:
Thorn: I hate that I have to participate in Roses and Thorns .
Rose: On the bright side, this means that we are almost done with this pointless meeting. Then, I can go watch America’s Next Top Model and pretend to study for P. Chem.
Alas, I have found inspiration in the thing which once I hated. C’est la vie.

ThOrNs: I hate the fact that:

People take so much for granted; worrying endlessly about what they don’t have rather than nurturing and cherishing what they’ve already got.
Americans are more likely to show compassion towards strangers than to family and “friends.”
People constantly flap their jaws about their “strong convictions” of which they know nothing of. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, these loud, empty opinions affect the lives of millions of people (ie. Stem-cell research, nuclear power, “solutions” to poverty, etc.). I am still waiting for the day in which I encounter a politician who can actually tell me the difference between multipotent, pluripotent, and totipotent cells. Go read a book, go back to college, or shut up and accept the fact that you don’t know everything… not even what you are preaching as truth.
In a world where so many die of hunger, so many more die a different death because they are starved for something so much easier to provide: love.
So many girls and woman don’t know their own worth; and instead, they allow themselves to be defined by other people.
Very few mothers know how (or do not care to put in the effort) to raise real men nowadays.
Most people (myself included) tend to blame the aforementioned on the women, when we all know that fathers also need to step it up and start leading by example.
I missed my Dad’s surprise birthday party (but I hear it was fantabulous!).
Africa, land of my birth, has become a continent of beggars with an absurd sense of entitlement.
Westerners continue to throw money at the above problem. This is what created this phenonemen in the first place.
A disgustingly large percentage of this money from NGOs is grossly mismanaged. A gamillion people die, not because there is no money, but because of the rampant (and even worse, accepted) corruption in third-world countries. You know that check you sent to that well-known organization to help children in Africa get medical care? Yah, well… unless you did your research and chose very wisely… that money was probably used by a government official or healthcare administrator to buy him/her a new car or a house or several expensive prostitutes. Awesome.
Some of the men who work at my health center make the poorer female patients (teenagers and women) pay via sexual favors. This makes me want to vomit continuously. And I can do nothing about it without risking my own safety.

ROSES! I am so grateful that:

I have this opportunity.
I still have my best friends from elementary, middle, high school, and college. We laugh in the faces of time and distance, for they have only made us closer. Along with my family, they are my heart; the loves of my life.
I have more than one “love of my life;” and that I was lucky enough to know, recognize, and experience love so young.
My parents raised us well. My brothers and sisters have become beautiful people, both inside and out. They will accomplish great things. Scratch that. They already have:]
I keep encountering the most amazing people from all walks of life. Teachers, missionaries, mon blanchisseur (my laundryboy), random people on the street (Hey Brad!), random people on Amtrak (Hey Krista!!), other PCVs (Hey, you crazies! Miss yoouu), and all the other glorious people who haphazardly light my path.
I got an excellent education at one of the best (read- nerdiest) colleges ever.
I am very easily amused.
We once made our sister eat grass (see above statement).
Although, we are poor black folk, my Mommy found a way to throw my Dad the party of his lifetime.
In my provincial capital, I can buy a 2002 Merlot-Cabernet Sauvignon from Mont Flory, France for $8. And some delicious French cheeses (camembert, brie, beaufort, you name it) for about $4. The bright side of living in a former French colony:p
I traded Kelly a Gin & Tonic (liquid gold) for a Burt’s Bees Shampoo Bar (Divine, though I only get to use it the 2 or 3 times a month which I actually have the opportunity to shower).
I can travel to different dimensions (sans alcohol and/or other drugs). Yah, that’s right :D
I have a Solio, which is lovingly wedded to my Ipod. Truly, a match made in heaven. It has preserved my sanity so many times that I have lost count.
The lovely ladies at the patisserie already know what I want when I walk in (une Charlotte Russe, une jus mélange, et une Mambo. Quelquefois, avec une beignet avec sucre), cuz I am there every time I am in Ngaoundere :]
I can school pretty much all of you on any dance floor on any given day >:D
I am so modest.
People actually read this blog, and that it actually amuses some of you.
I have always had the most awesome birthdays ever, and this past one in Cameroon was no exception :] Thanks girls :]
Running water and electricity await me upon my return to the “U.S. and A.”
Time flies when you’re having fun… or dying :]

On a final note, with all of your comments and e-mails, you guys have had me laughing and/or crying like a crazed fool in the internet cafes. People have actually moved away from me and/or asked me if I needed help. Someone, somewhere, once said something like, “Greatness is measured by your gifts, not your possessions.” The presence of each one of you makes me greater and greater. Merci Beaucoup :]

The Road to Perdition

2007-01-28T09:35:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week: Glen- If anyone sees my n*** rolling around on the floor… (On the prison bus… on our way back from Tibati… on a particularly turbulent, pot-hole filled “road.”)

I have nothing exciting to tell you guys this week (Yes, yes. Make your joke. “Do you ever?” HAhahaa… moving on), so I guess I will tell you about our first provincial meeting. To give you a sense of how enticing provincial meetings are to us PCV freshmen, I will let you know that Kelly and I were still trying to get out of it as we were boarding the prison bus in Ngaoundere. The meeting was in Tibati (home of Alana).

Alana… Girl, you know I love you… As a matter of fact, if love were measured in the amount of hours in which one is willing to sit on a prison bus and jeopardize one’s fertility… well, then that would mean that I love you more than anyone in the world. Anyhow, my point is that… unless Papa John’s, The Cheesecake Factory, and/or Chippendale’s rolls up into your hood… I will be seeing you somewhere again… but that somewhere will not be Tibati.

Those stewped bush taxis are meant to hold 20 people comfortably and 25, uncomfortably. I swear that there were at least 6,000 people in our car. For 7 hours, I was squished in this piece of junk… could not move my legs… could not move my knees… could not move my arms… I could not even flex a butt cheek. Horrendous. Also, our prison bus had no glass in the windows… just big open squares… Now, even in the prison busses with windows, I still ingest 50 million lbs. of dust per hour. Without windows… I looked like I had eaten too much spice on Arrakis or something (Yah, yah. I know. But Felipe made the reference too, so I'm not the only dork:p). I was seriously expecting a huge worm to come out of the ground and eat me. Actually, I was praying that it would come any minute and end my misery.

Seven hours… on a prison bus… with no windows. My hair literally turned a bright reddish brown from all of the dust. The rest of them made fun of me, saying that I looked like The Picture of Dorian Gray, cuz every time they looked at me, my hair was a lighter shade of red. It was hard to respond though. The road was so bad, at times, that it felt like someone was rapidly and continuously banging on your back, so all of our words reverberated. At one point, I thought that I could actually feel my organs collapsing. Once we got back to Ngaoundere (after the clouds departed, the angels descended, and we all sang rejoicefully at the paved roads), I was still washing dust out of my hair after my third shower at the mission.

As for the actual meeting itself… Like I said… love you guys… but can our next provincial meeting be done in an online chat room? My body cannot handle anymore abuse, and if I want to dye my hair red… I’ll get some henna :/

TMI- I finally understand why so many PCVs go commando so often… It is amazing that such simple things make us so happy… weekly showers… edible food… etc.

You Know You’ve Been “En Brousse” Too Long When (YKYBEBTLW)…

2007-01-12T14:54:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week:
Me: Tell Amadou I said “What up.”

1. You have the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every freakin day.

2. You still look forward to breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

3. You eat Tums every day to fulfill your daily calcium needs.

4. You boil AND filter your water, yet still get sick each time you drink it. Sidenote: Bottled water is not sold in your village.

5. You have tried to use your own saliva to swallow your malaria prophylaxis (not recommended… at all) in a vain effort to avoid the aforementioned gastrointestinal issues.

6. You are no longer alarmed when you are awoken in the middle of the night by the bumping and crashing in your kitchen. But you swear to Allah… if those bats ate the last of your fruit again… you will suddenly be motivated to build a solar powered flame thrower (Is that possible? You enginerds, you. Holler at me). Bats. It’s what’s for dinner.

7. You have nearly burned down your house several times with the help of your kerosene lantern and/or butane stove top.

8. You wake up at 4:30 every day. This is what happens when you go to bed at 9:00 in order to conserve candles, matches, and kerosene.

9. You have a permanent scar on your right ankle thanks to the exhaust pipe of the countless dilapidated motos (motorcycle taxis) which you have no choice but to take.

10. You marvel at the hi-tech wonder that is Sudoku.

11. You burst out in spontaneous psychopathic laughter… several times a day… even when you are the only one in the house…

12. You miss “the hole…” and then you laugh some more, as you realize that the TP is just out of arm’s reach.

13. On one of your beloved, yet intermittent, ventures into “the city,” you go to lunch at La Plaza. You are seated next to an expatriate family and overhear one of the sons call the other a “douche.” You think to yourself, “A shower? What kind of insult is that??” You also have forgotten the English equivalent for intricate words such as “hier.”

14. Speaking of showers, you have not had one in almost 3 weeks… and you are still the best smelling person in your village.

15. Lastly, you find yourself unintentionally re-enacting scenes such as the following: My brother on a particularly thrilling day last summer in Ghana:

Random Bit: In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Hermione had to write an essay for one of her classes, explaining why Muggles need electricity. Guess I’m not a Muggle! Told you, Animal! Booyah!! That’s right!! I said it!! My Logic professor would be so proud of my contemporary intellectual ponderings and conclusions.

Rewind

2007-01-01T10:33:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week:
Nigerian Nurse Ann: Sooo… Bird Flu…

Swearing-In: After passing my Language Proficiency Exam, I was sworn in as an official full-fledged volunteer on December 13th. The ceremony was a big unnecessary to-do. The ambassador was there, as well as numerous other Embassy employees and every Cameroonian official in the North. It was kind of ridiculous. We all had to take an oath… something about protecting the USA from all domestic and foreign enemies… erm… sure?

Moving-In: Out of the 32 people originally in our group, there are now 29 (15 Health/14 Agro). Being the Sahel group, we are stationed in the 3 northern provinces of Cameroon: The Adamaoua, The North, and The Extreme North. 5 of us are in the Adamaoua (the most underdeveloped region and home of your’s truly), 11 in the North, and 13 in the Extreme North. So, we all went our separate ways on Thursday morning. Me and my Adamaoua girls loaded all our junk onto a bus at the crack of dawn… Everything… 5 bikes, 5 huge metal trunks, countless bags and boxes… on a bus full of a billion other people. It was pretty crazy, but this was the better part of our journey.

After the 4 hour bus ride to Ngaoundere (the provincial capital of the Adamaoua), we went our separate ways again; unloading all our junk from the bus and reloading it onto separate “bush” cars… which are smaller than the busses, but seem to have way more people… and goats… and chickens. We affectionately refer to them as “prison busses.” These things look like they are straight out of the movie Sarafina. I cannot even put into words what a nightmare it was. The Adamaoua is infamous for many things, among these things are orange/red dirt “roads” from hell and more dust than… um… hhmm… :::insert clever analogy here::: When I arrived at my village, my clothes and my skin were literally orange (minus the part of my face which my sunglasses were covering), I smelled like goat, and I could not feel my legs after having some squished in the same position for so many hours. I just wanted a shower and a nap. Then I remembered that I did not have running water, nor a bed. I entered my house and laid down on the floor. Other than having my house broken into and being robbed… not too much else happened that first day!

Moving On: As I mentioned in my last post, the majority of the people in my village are uneducated, so they do not speak French. So, I spent 3 months beating myself to learn French and it is now of very little use to me:D For the following 3 months, I will be beating myself to learn the native language, Fufulde. The town has taken to calling me “Madame Docteur.” I have tried to explain to them that I am not a Madame, and that I am certainly not a doctor… but the name seems to be sticking :/ C’est la vie.

Important Things: The girls and I met up in Ngaoundere for Christmas. It was obviously not the Christmas I am used to, but it was highly entertaining. We went to this club where Kelly made friends with the bartender, so we got free drinks all night :D Yah, Kelly! And we danced like there was no tomorrow… you kno I broke it down… that’s right. J Cameroonians girls kept asking us where we learned to dance and tried to copy our moves :] We met up again for my bday and New Year’s. We also ran into some volunteers from another staige, so they came out with us too. Good times. Thanks guys :] We miss all of u non-Adamaoua people! Did you get our letter? Happy New Year’s to all:D

Quickie

2006-12-31T10:26:00.000+01:00

Internet access has been virtually unavailable, so I have a few belated shout-outs:
Happy Belated Birthday to:
Baker!
Jesus (yah, I know it wasn't really His bday:p)!
ME!
Princess Sheela!
Nana!

I do not know when my next internet opportunity will be so...
Happy Soon-to-be Birthdays to:
My Dad!
Juju!
Doris!
Lob you all:]

:::Insert massive amounts of craziness here:::
That has been my life lately. Unfortunately (or fortunately for you:p), I don't have the time to get into detail. But I promise to explicate in a later entry! Don't get too excited :]

Every now and then I am struck by the fact that I am living in Africa. You know... those times when I can't remember how to speak English... or I am sitting in a taxi next to 2 goats and a chicken... or how ridiculously happy it makes me to have the opportunity to take a shower 3 or 4 times a month... or when I am having dinner at a restaurant with some friends and some random Cameroonian guy approaches us and asks our price for the night... or I spill the bucket of water (and a few expletives) that I had to go get from one of the 2 wells in my village... and I think to myself: "Self... what are you doing here?"

We were doing vaccinations this week at the health center. And while I was weighing a baby, his 17-year old mother said to me in French (which I know was a challenge for her, because hardly anyone in my village speaks French. There is not even a high school, so 95% of the population only speaks the local language)... Anywho, so she says to me, "Thank you for being here."

Wow. I did not even know how to respond.

That's what I'm doing here.

Enough of that:] Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. Thanks for all of the love:] Party a lot for me tonight:]

Last Weekend in Town

2006-12-10T11:12:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week:
Nadia: Peace Corps Don’t Screen For Crazy!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! I am still laughing at this one, because it is unfortunately so very true.

Quote from the Past:
Ms. Kim: Let’s play one of my favorite games. It’s called, “Name Any Country on This Planet and I Will Tell You How Either the United States, the United Kingdom, or France Messed It Up.”

For those of you were not so blessed as to have Ms. Kim in your lives: She was my US History teacher in high school. And she was Absolutely Fabulous (FYI-I love that BBC show!)! I am sure that she still is! Anyone know where she is? I know she is not teaching at Eastern anymore. I had that class during 0 mod (an optional class time slot for us sick overachievers who loved being in class at 6 something in the morning), and I still looked forward to it every day! That is how awesome she was. She was full of amusing witticisms and observations…. One which involved a “naked mole rat” and my then boyfriend’s love for me… I so should have heeded her warning on that one…

Anywho! I was thinking of this comment of hers during a recent lecture we had on Cameroonian history and politics, and it made me giggle out loud. Then I started to think of another little Ms. Kim anecdote about how she spent one particular Valentine’s Day and I just started cracking up. For those of you who have not caught on, I’m fairly easily amused. Understatement. I won’t even tell you about that one time where I laughed about an episode of Arthur (Yes, on PBS. Don’t hate.) all through the 2 hours of my Protein Folding class. At least the smelly kid who sat next to me decided to move to another seat.

So the clock is ticking. We swear-in on Wednesday (assuming that we all pass our Language Proficiency Exam on Monday…), and then we leave for our posts at the crack of dawn on Thursday. I am soooooooooo glad that Stage is almost over, but I am gonna miss all of you poopyheads like whoa! Even though it creeps me out that after 3 months together… day in… and day out… we still all get along. Gross. And thanks for the interesting night :D

FYI #1: Many of you have been inquiring as to what I want for Christmas/My Birthday and which address you should send it to. For those of my less faithful followers who failed to do so, shame on you. Anywho, gonna ask you to hold off on that for a bit cuz hopefully I will be able to set up a Peace Corps Partnership site once I get to my village. I will post the link; then you can donate money to help me with my projects at my health center! I understand how truly awesome I am though, so I will not prevent any of you from sending me any additional presents via airmail… as you will see in my second FYI.

FYI #2: We did a superlative Who’s Who thing for our Stage and guess who won “Best Attitude?” That’s right! Send me rewards. Like a refrigerator. And an oven/stove. And an air-conditioning unit. And electricity. Actually, I will be elated if someone sends me a freakin cereal bar. Merci.

Ho Ho Ho!

2006-12-03T10:28:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week
Me: Aux États-Unis, seulement les lâches bâtaient les femmes! Et ils vont à la prison pour ca !

Picture this : A group of volunteers… sitting poolside at a hotel… drinking liberally… smoking cigarettes… contemplating the benefits or marijuana… eating expensive Snickers bars from our weekly raid at the “Super Marche”…and discussing our future (for some people, present) bouts of promiscuity. Did I mention that we are Health volunteers? 3 months of training does that to you. FYI- Have no fear, parental units: Other than swimming, the only thing that I personally participated in was the eating of the Snickers.

Anywho, boys and girls! It’s that time of year!! Those of you who kno me kno how ecstatic this time makes me. There are so many good things about it (hint-my birthday! Christmas! My birthday! Christmas!). I was thinking back to Christmases past... how I yearned for an Easy-Bake Oven… for a clarinet… for new ballet slippers… for Dark Ages of Camelot… for a Palm Pilot. Let me tell you what I would do right now just for some drinkable water… Forget the Mardi Gras beads. Just throw me a bottle of Poland Springs. And for a Kit-Kit?? Give it to me and we will talk.

I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Gastro-Intestinally. 12 weeks of training is violent. And in traditional school-style, the trainers have crammed the last few weeks with everything they could possibly think of. The past week has been non-stop assignments, quizzes, exams, presentations… not to mention class and all of the time it takes to prepare the presentations… in French. Of course I am used to this thanks to RPI, but it is a little different in Africa. When electricity is unreliable or simply not present at all, you’re racing to get things done before the sun sets. That gives you roughly until 6:30… Class finishes at 4:30… not too much of a window there. That means that it’s just me and my kerosene lantern… up into the wee hours of the night.

Anyone know anything about alternative energy implementation for small villages and/or structures? Or cooling systems/refrigeration that does not require electricity? Or water harvesting? Or water filtration, also sans electricity? Or where to get a reliable cordless blender in the US, so my mommy can send me one? Or where I can get some freakin castor oil in the Extreme North, North, or Adamaoua provinces? Or just some decent green tea? Holler at me.

Moving on: Don’t you have something to do? Like go buy me presents? Better get on that cuz packages take awhile to get here. That’s right. :D

Your weekly TMI- Someone needs to send The J Sisters to me ASAP.

Gobble Gobble! Err… Cluck Cluck!

2006-11-23T15:21:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Summer:
At the Ritz, seeing A Devil Wears Prada with my sister.
Sister: I have not seen a movie in the theater since Titanic came out!!
Me: …
Sister: What? That wasn’t that long ago.
Me: …
Random Woman Next To Us: :::starts cracking up::: Honey! That was 10 years ago!
Me: …

Happy Thanksgiving all! While the manly men of our PC group are out killing us a chicken or 2 (yah, for real), for our “feast” tonight I thought I would pop on over and give some thanks for my numerous blessings:D

1. The fact that I have not yet died from any of the following listed in the PC Cameroon Medical Manual: Malaria, Depression, Alcohol Abuse, Culture Shock, Typhoid, Brucellosis, Hepatitis, Dengue Fever, Amoebic Dysentery, Bacterial Dysentery, Giardia, Sunburn, Fractures, Sprains, Dehydration, Plaque, Gingivitis, Sinusitis, Constipation, Diarrhea, TB, Avian Flu, Bronchitis, Pneumonia, Ebola, Filaria, Shistosomiasis, Cholera, Tinea Pedis, Tinea Corporis, Tinea Vericolor , Lice, Plantar Warts, Hookworm, Ringworm, Staph aureus, Group A Strep, Scabies, Tinea Cruris (Jock Itch), Epididymitis, Non-Gonococcal Urethritis, Penile Lesions, Prostatitus, Maternity, Abortion, UTI, Vaginitis, HIV/AIDS, Chlamydia, Genital Warts, Gonorrhea, Herpes, LGV, Chancroid, Granuloma, PID, Syphilis, Hair Loss, Assault, Scorpion Stings, Animal Bites, Rabies, Human Bites (I know. Or actually… I don’t.). My favorite chapter in the manual is entitled, “Other Winged, Creepy-Crawly Things that May Sting, Bite, Lay Eggs on You, or Otherwise Bum You Out.” Comedic, aren’t they? You guys still want to visit me now? :D

:::knocks on wood:::

2. All of you! My Big Phat African Family! My homegirls and homeboys in Jersey, NY, Cali, Taxachusetts, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Illinois, Kansas, Maryland, Virginia, D.C., Georgia, Costa Rica, the Virgin Islands, India, Pakistan, China, Japan, Great Britain, Senegal, Nigeria, Tanzania and Ghana (Roll call: “Hot Girl Check-In?”)! My fellow volunteers! You guys are so awesomely re-inspiring to me every day! And even the poor random folk who end up at my blog by accident! :] Thank you all so very much for the wonderful comments, emails, letters, texts, packages, prayers, wishes, and love! It is appreciated more than I could ever put into words:]

3. The fact that I have electricity at my homestay. More importantly, the fact that the electricity at my homestay goes out frequently. This way my homestay family cannot see the expression on my face (unless I smile) as I am eating their delectable dinners. Additionally, when I suddenly come across something crunchy in my food, I cannot see what it is. I just tell myself that it’s “protein.”

4. My daily evening bucket baths in the latrine. I have come to love my bucket baths. I have even mastered the art of using 2 gallons of water to wash my entire body and my hair! But the best part is the sky. The moonlight and the millions of stars… So gorgeous… I wish that you could all see it.

5. The fact that training is over in 3 weeks!!

6. The fact that somehow… I am still crazily excited to be here and to do some work :]

And on that note, can I have an “Amen! Halleluiah!”? May you all have “The Itis” tonight!

“Healthy wolves and healthy women share certain psychic characteristics: keen sensing, playful spirit, and a heightened capacity for devotion… inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength… They are experienced in adapting to constantly changing circumstances; they are fiercely stalwart and very brave.”
~ Clarissa Estes

God Bless Garoua

2006-11-18T09:04:00.000+01:00

I was “down south” (a relative term) this week. One week away from Pitoa? Gone from dirty Garoua? Not having to eat rice and beans every freakin day? A week of “cooler” (an extremely relative term) weather? The chance to see monkeys and hippos (we saw both!)? No classes for 6 days?! Some peace and quiet… away from my overwhelming, though well-intentioned, host family??

I have returned (a day early due to some unfortunate circumstances), and let me just say that I LOVE Pitoa! This town is off the hizzy! I am sorry for all those armpit jokes that I made about you! Let me pay tribute:

Ma Chambre, complete with aluminum roof and door. [aka- My Luxury Quarters/Personal Sauna]

La Ride [aka- The Baddest Wheels on the Block… Albeit, the only wheels on the block…]

La Douche. [aka- The Deluxe Commode/Bath]

La Cuisine. [aka- The Ultimate Kitchen]

La Rue [aka- My Hood. The Street in Front of My Homestay. I Run This.]

When I lived in the USA… let’s just say I was not exactly patriotic (I will not disclose exactly what I was, because Big Brother is watching). Now that I live in a foreign country, let me tell you about my love for all things American. Actually, I won’t; cuz it will take me too long, and time is money on a dial-up modem. Just use your imagination. Well, I had a similar experience simply by moving down a province in Cameroon. I think that all Americans should be forced to live in a third world country for a year.

Anywho, we spent a night at a Catholic mission called Maison d’Accueil. It is run by these Polish nuns, who like to pretend that they do not speak English. I have not seen nuns in all their garb since the last time I saw Sister Act II. It was quaint and we saw mad foreigners! I met this one Dutch guy who has been living in Cameroon for years and loves it, and also a group of French girls our age who are here on vacation. It is always interesting to hear how the other foreigners wound up here. I tried to figure out how the nuns ended up here, but my French was not quite up to it and they insisted on continuing on with their “we don’t speak English” game. Although, I did make the 7 hour trip back up north all by myself! I am taking this as a sign that my French is improving, since I did not wind up in Chad, Nigeria, or Congo.

In my travels I have noticed that it seems like no matter what foreign land you are in, people (particularly the guys) are eager to show off the 20 or so English words that they learned in some grammar class years ago. Here is a sampling of the attempts which I have encountered:

Indigenous Male: “Hello! You are beautiful!”
Thinks to self: Merci, mais je sais ca déjà. Thank you, but I know that already.
My actual response: A smile and a “Bonjour.”

Indigenous Male: “Good Morning! Will you marry me?”
Thinks to self: C’est après-midi, douchebag. It’s afternoon, douchebag.
My actual response: A smile and a “Bonjour.”

Indigenous Male: “Madam! You will be my third wife!”
Thinks to self: Excusez-moi, pendant que sortir mon fait a la maison macis. Excuse me, while I get out my homemade mace.
My real response: A smile and a “Bonjour.”

Goodness, it’s worse than RPI. No offense to my male RPI friends! Love you! :D Anywho, time to go eat some beans! Don’t enjoy Thanksgiving too much without me :p Mmmm…. Turkey… stuffing… cornbread… drinkable water… :::sigh:::

Core to the Corps

2006-11-12T08:51:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Week:
Whitney: 1) Maybe Allegra has it. 2) Well, pineapples are expensive in Maroua!
:::goes to cry a river for Whitney:::
Myriam: Si c’est la volante de Dieu !

You know those times when you’re sitting there… having a conversation to yourself. It goes something like this:
Self: God, can this possibly get any worse?
And then God, ignoring the fact that a) you were having a private conversation and b) that it was a rhetorical question, laughs in your face and responds.
God: Watch this.

Each time, I think that the recent incident has topped it all, but I am always wrong. Each time, I tempt fate to hit me in the face like the monkey that hit Jamie. So this time, when I found out the latest reason for God’s amusement, I made a conscious decision to resist my inner monologue.

So I found out about my post, a.k.a.- My home come December 14th:
a) I have no water au village.
b) I have no electricity au village.
c) I have no phone (landline nor cell) service au village.
d) I am 3 hours away from the closest “city” and over 26 hours from the capital.
e) I am 4 hours away (on a good day) from the closest volunteer in my staige.

For those of you thinking, “Umm… isn’t that Peace Corps? Isn’t that what you went through that 9-month application process to do? You could’ve had a baby during that time.” THAT is 1970s Peace Corps. An experience that is quickly disappearing and shall soon be extinct. And yes, I could’ve had a baby in that time. And be on a cool show on TLC. Most volunteers have it pretty freakin good nowadays. See Priya over at Beach Corps or get a copy of the latest national Peace Corps newsletter. Most of the PCVs have electricity and/or running water. Many even have appliances such as air conditioning, refrigerators, and ovens. Some even have internet in their houses. One of the other volunteers in my staige and province is working for CARE. They are hooking her up in an apartment with amenities and her own personal driver. Can we say “Posh Corps?”

What do I have? An oil lantern and a bucket. Is that what you were thinking?? Well, I do have those things, but I have so much more! You pessimistic les derriere-tètes (How’s my French?)! Let me tell you what I’ve got! I have got an opportunity! An opportunity to live an endangered Peace Corps lifestyle! An opportunity to utilize every skill I have acquired in my 12 years of Girl Scouting (Anyone need a knot tied? Oh wait… I never got that badge…)! An opportunity to positively impact and improve the lives of 12,000 people! An opportunity to meet Angelina Jolie! :::KEEP TELLING HERSELF THAT! KEEPS TELLING HERSELF THAT! KEEPS TELLING HERSELF THAT!:::BREATHE, STRETCH, SHAKE, LET IT GO!:::

Good thing God and I have the same sense of humor. And I know that my Dad is Hishomie, so whatever. :::Pops her collar:::

Speaking of, my Dad is going to Ghana in a few weeks to do that helping-out-type stuff that he does (wonder where I get it from). Have fun, Dad! And thanks for the package (even though, I know that Mom packed it and you probably had no idea what was in it, but I’m sure you mailed it… or taped it up… or did something useful… Thanks, Mom!)! I wish I could go see him… it’s just 3 countries away, but Peace Corps does not allow any traveling in the first 6 months of service. Pray for him! And for me! :D

Me: 3
Cameroon: 43453535

A Letter to my Malaria Prophylaxis

2006-11-05T11:15:00.000+01:00

Dearest Larium,

I just do not understand. I know that we have only had the chance to rendezvous just a few times thus far… and perhaps it is too early in our relationship for me to expect much more from you… But… why? Tell me why you give others such abundant pleasure, yet only leave me feeling dizzy and nauseous. This is Cameroon, so I’m cool with the whole polygamy thing, but are you playing favorites?

I take you when I can, at approximately the same time each week. Right after lunch. Thought you liked that. Then what is up? Look, like I said in the beginning… I’m in this for the long haul. I am committed to you. Forget Doxycycline… though my skin would always glow afterwards... You just need to pull yourself together a bit, clean your act up.

And what was with that Cookie Monster scenario? Is that the best you can do? I have had more lucid moments without even trying. I suppose the hallucinations were an attempt at something… but, honestly. Swirling flower petals? It could be worse, but you know that I hate that movie.

I’m beginning to think you’re a little overrated. But you’re still better than the alternative.

Much love,
Me

I’m Only Happy When it Rains

2006-10-30T11:11:00.000+01:00

Quotes of the Week:
Brooke: I am a p---- and Jay is a v-----. (Trying to keep it PG-13 here).
Jay: I wonder if they’ll have ketchup.
Alice: What is it called when it’s just 2 people again?
David: Hey, I should be dead.

Moving on.

This has become our new theme song. The Grand North province of Cameroon has 2 seasons. La saison seche et la saison des pluis: The dry season (aka-SaHell) and the rainy season. The rainy season lasts for about 2 weeks. Thus, our theme song has gotten very little airtime. If I have not told you 5 times yet: It is incredibly hot here. Not hot, like Jersey summer hot. I mean hot as in, you wake up… think to yourself: Ohmi! What a cool Sahel morn!... then you sit up in your bed… and immediately start to sweat. Although, I really should not be crying about it; this week has been the coolest one yet. We were at 120°C a few weeks ago, when the elastic in my bathing suit melted… anyone want to send me a new culturally appropriate bathing suit (Shorts Size: XS. Top Size: Erm… not XS)? Preferably, a cute tankini with boy shorts? This week it only got to about 95. Heck, the temperature inside of my mouth is hotter than that, so I’ll stop being a pansy about it… for now.

Anywho, the days are so long and slow, but the weeks seem to fly. This week has been no exception. A group of PLWHAs (People Living with AIDS/HIV) came to a session. It was really cool. I forget the name of the group (I guess all for the better. The group is secret, because if their communities found out that these people had AIDS, the members would all be disowned, violently hurt, or even killed), but the President, Treasurer (both female), and another member of the group came to give testimonials. I could go on about it, but I’ll just say that it was immensely powerful. The stigma here is insane. A lot of Cameroonians still think that AIDS does not actually exists; that it is simply “the white man’s plot to sell condoms.” Mind you, sub-saharan Africa has 10% of the world’s population and 60% of all reported AIDS cases…

We also visited one of the two HIV testing centers in the provincial capital. I do not even know how to begin describing that place, so I’ll just say that they are trying. Actually, there are a lot of people doing a lot of good stuff out there. We’ve met some really cool ones, including some of the current volunteers and some people from ACMS (a branch of PSI) who came to give presentations. It’s pretty cool and very encouraging to see all of the things that a small group of people have accomplished. Yours truly also did a session this week. I presented to both the Agro and the Health groups on the immune system (aka- Le systeme immunitaire). It went very well, so I am told :D Yesterday, some of the current volunteers had a district meeting/Halloween party at a hotel in the provincial capital. Though our stage was not part of the meeting, we took the opportunity to go into Garoua and use the pool at the hotel, while the PCVs held their meeting. The hotel was nice, the pool was not all that impressive, but water never felt so good and I am told that the boxed wine was off the charts (Yah, I said “off the charts”) :D

Anyone want to fill me in on what is happening on the following please? America’s Next Top Model (Are those fugly twins gone?), Gilmore Girls (Is Jess back?), Entourage, Arrested Development, Arthur, Rick Steve’s Europe, Dinner Takes All, Take Home Chef (Is Curtis engaged?), What Not to Wear (Will Clinton and Stacey ever come to Africa?), Little People/Big World, Grey’s Anatomy (Is Meredith dead yet? Can’t stand her! Where’s Addison??), Mystery Diagnosis, Untold Stories of the ER. Take your pick and leave me a comment, thanks! :D

I had a Twix bar yesterday :D I cannot even put into words how good that junk was. I licked every last bit of melted chocolate off of that wrapper. Fin.

“A pessimist looks at the glass of water and says it’s half empty. An optimist says that it is half full. A Peace Corps Volunteer looks at the glass of water and says, ‘I could take a bath with that.’ “
~ One of many PC proverbs

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

2006-10-22T14:46:00.000+01:00

One of the names we have adopted for our stage is “The Group Formerly Known as Attractive.” I found this rather amusing at first, until I saw myself in a mirror for the first time a few days ago, and realized that the moniker had some truth to it. Now, I know what you are all thinking, “Girl! You are so gorgeous even on your worst days!” True True!! Okay, I’ll stop lying! I looked in the mirror and was like, “Oh Schnap!! I forgot how freakin cute I am!!” I was really expecting something quite frightening, considering that I have been rolling around in my own sweat, dirt, blood, and tears 24/7 for the past few weeks. Alas, Cameroon is no match for my impeccable genes (Thanks Mom and Dad!). Though make no mistake, I will not decline any spa offers which I am sure will await me upon my return (hint).

Before I go on:
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAYS TO MY SISTER, ANIMAL!!! AND TO PRINCESS PRIYA :::pinches cheeks!:::
I tried to mail myself to you guys as a present, but when I explained what I wanted to do to the postal workers here, they just looked at me like I was insane. Was my French that bad?

Actually, my French is currently on FIRE! I got moved up to a higher French class this week. I’m now in a class with this girl, Whitney, who is too hilarious and reminds me so much of you, Jenny!! She even kind of looks like you! Speaking of, in the class I was in before, there is a girl named Leah, who also cracks me up! But here is the freaky bit: she is the female version of Lee. It is so odd. Her personality, her mannerisms… she even kind of looks like him too! Lee, you would soooo love this girl. Unfortunately for you, she just got married a few months ago. I told her that she reminded me of my almost-lover and she was very flattered and wants to meet you:D Anyhow, I’ll hafta get some pictures of them up soon so you can see.

Back to my point, the language trainers are awesome and I’m very surprised at how quickly I am picking it up. My current instructor, Arlette, is so cute! I want to bring her back to Jersey with me! I won’t say much more though, because Immersion (when all of our classes are taught in French and we’re punished each time we speak English) starts tomorrow… so we shall see how that goes… Technical training in French? I can barely explain Kwashiokor in English and I will have to do it in French… I cannot imagine being an Education volunteer and having to teach math classes in French. What asinine Frenchman decided that there was no need to have an actual French word for numbers such as 70?

We assembled our mountain bikes the other day! It was so hot that I thought I was going to faint and impale myself with my bike tools; riding around afterwards was wonderful though. Exercise = yay, especially after the 5 billion lbs of carbs which we are fed day in and day out. Learning language, learning tech stuff, working with community groups, surviving (2 people have been hospitalized so far, pretty much everyone either has diarrhea or is constipated, and there are a few “Club” members… it’s amusing how comfortably we discuss these things with each other now), etc. By the end of the day we are all so tired that we just go home, do our homework, pretend to eat whatever delicacy our host family is serving (someone got goat tongue the other night… which made me 100x more grateful to have white rice for dinner for the 9th night in a row), take a bucket bath, avoid things crawling out of the latrine, pray to our malaria prophylaxis, and go to bed. Of course all of this is interjected with frequent stops to the local bar.

“The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand at times of challenge and controversy.”
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Oh Em Gee

2006-10-14T14:31:00.000+01:00

Quotes of the Week:
“I’m siiiiiiinnnkkkkiiinnggg.” ~ Marcel
“I am going to evaporate.” ~ Matt

This may not make any sense at all, but this has been both one of the longest and one of the shortest weeks of my entire 21 years on this planet. It started out last Saturday with boarding the overnight train to Ngaoundere. The station was complete chaos. I saw at least a dozen people pick pocketed and a few who were just straight up robbed. People were everywhere, yelling and shoving and in every state of anger and/or confusion possible. I think I forgot to mention that we had 2 gendarmes to watch over us at the hotel, with their machine guns and everything. Our military escorts also came to the station and on the train with us, thank goodness. Ironic, I know. But like our CD told us the first night we got into country… a group of Americans of such a size… a collective walking ATM machine.

The train had to stop a billion times so that the drivers and some of the passengers could pray (Ramadan); and also once because one of the passenger cars caught on fire, so the car had to be evacuated and we had to wait around for about an hour for a new car to be attached. Did I mention that there was no air conditioning on this train? “But what of the beautiful rainforests which the train drove through?” those of you who know your geography might asked. Those beautiful rainforests were like a scene from Jurassic Park; I was almost certain that at any given moment a raptor was going to bash through and eat us all. Those African rains and jungles are no joke. Anywho, to sum up the train ride:
Hours it took: 22
Hours of sleep I got while on train: 1
Number of times I fell out of my seat due to startlingly abrupt stops: 4
Number of times I almost got arrested: 1
Number of times Jamie got hit in the face by a monkey: 1
Number of marriage proposals I received from random Cameroonians: 7

What? You thought the journey was over? HA! We arrived at the central transportation spot in Ngaoundere, all looking like we had just escaped from Chateau D’iff, and were met by 12 more military escorts (highway bandits from Chad, Nigeria, Congo, and obviously Cameroon, are notorious in the north). We then piled into numerous PC vehicles (including the escorts) and started our 4 hour journey to Garoua. The journey was long, bumpy, squished, hot, and absolutely gorgeous… at least until the sudden alarm we had when we noticed the unexpected drop in vegetation… um… grass… and green stuff. It was so odd that in the last 24 hours we had seen fertile, coastal land, followed by rainforests with canopies through the stratosphere, followed by a crazy lush landscape, followed by beautiful mountains… to… um… sand and dust. It was then that we remembered our destination… the Sahel.

By the time we finally reached Pitoa, we were so tired and so gross-feeling, that any anxiety which had survived the train ride about out our host families was pretty much forgotten. We just wanted a shower and some cold water to drink (sans amoebas and other various fun extras)… imagine our surprise later on that night when we discovered that neither of these luxuries are to be found in either Pitoa (training site for the Health) or Nassarao (training site for Agro).

The first night was far from pleasant. Though my host family is certainly nice enough, greeting me with “Ma fille! (My Daughter!)”, the communication barrier was frightening. It is hard enough to be thrown into a new culture, new atmosphere with new people, new foods… and then to not be able to understand anyone nor make them understand you? Now I know how Asperger’s patients feel. Whoa. My room is an 11x11 box with one 1x1 window… it is like a sauna. That night I swam in a pool of my own sweat and a larger pool of Francophobia, waking up 5 or so times that night, each time praying that mosquitoes had not eaten me. I think I have already lost about 10 lbs in water weight alone.

As we exchanged first night stories Monday morning, an audible sigh of relief circled the room as people realized that they were not alone in their experiences. I apologize for yet another long entry. For now I will just say that training is intense. Our days start at 6:00 AM and end around midnight. Class after class after class… so much reading… so much homework… so much to understand. But everyone has been doing very well, thus far. Although, we got some news today that has made the week more draining. During one of our Medical sessions today, in which we all had to draw our own blood to show that we could prepare a malaria slide, David (our training director), came out to tell us that he had an emergency announcement (how our minds raced then)… Dr. George had been found dead in his hotel room the previous night. It was so crazy. Dr. George was the APCD for the Agro program and one of its most accomplished trainers, as well as just a great guy overall. We do not know what happened yet. Everyone just sat there, not comprehending. And then the tears came, even from the guys. We had not even known him all that long, but it was just too much after such a week. And to see the reaction of the staff with whom he had been working with for decades… What a poignant reminder of how fragile we all are. It has been a long long week, indeed.

"If you've come here to help me, you're wasting your time. If you are here because your liberation is somehow wrapped up in mine, then let's begin to work together." ~ Lila Watson

Hakuna Matata

2006-10-07T11:07:00.000+01:00

Quotes of the Week:

“If you get worms, amoebas, or giardia… it means that you have just eaten someone’s sh*t.”
~ Nurse Ann, one of our PCMOs. She’s Nigerian J.
“I like your outfit! You look like a wizard! Do you know what a wizard is?”
~ Nadia to Dr. Njiti (one of the Agro trainers), who was wearing traditional Cameroonian garb [+ hat] at the time.
“I was in the lunch line…”
~ Jamie… after I woke her up… It was funny. Really! Well, I guess you had to be there.

Now, let me get you all up to speed. :::Insert your feigned enthusiasm here::: This week has flown by faster than… um… :::thinks of something fast and African::: … Kenyans! Yah. In a few short hours we will all be getting on the overnight train to Garoua, a 30 hour (hopefully) ride to the north. We will be leaving our sweet coastal cosmopolitan city life in Yaoundé to go live with our host families in the Sahel. For those of you who are stewped, the Sahel is that strip of land after the Savannah and right before the Sahara Desert. Nice, huh? Like the majority of the families in the North, my family is Muslim. My new father’s is named Danmanou and my new mother is named Haya; they have 7 children (8 now!). Gone are the days of our posh hotel with hot water, air conditioning, and food that is safe to eat… Hello pit latrines, diarrhea, and 113°F weather (No joke… on any of those points). Our PCMOs told us that we are all going to get diarrhea, so we should just get over it. Apparently, if diarrhea is the only medical problem which we encounter during our service, then we are incredibly, extremely, unbelievably lucky – aka – in cahoots with the devil. Did I mention that our medical kits include syringes/needles, so that we can take a sample of our own blood and send it to the lab if we think we have malaria? Awesome.

Moving on. Training has been long, and the intensity meter is going to be turned up about 900% on Monday. This week we had breakfast at 7:00, then left for the PC office by 7:30 each day. Did a lot of stuff all day long… Technical trainings, Medical trainings, Cross-cultural trainings, “Survival French.” We will be tested on our French all throughout PST (Pre-Service Training); anyone who does not reach the level of at least Intermediate High, as defined by the ACTFL (American Council for the Teaching of Foreign Languages), will not be sworn in as a volunteer. The French ability of the Sahel Health-Agroforestry Stage (our group) ranges from nada to cheaters who have French parents and more cheaters who majored in it. Needless to say, this is causing much of our group some anxiety. I am on the lower end of the spectrum, but no worries here :] Two volunteers from the Stage that swore in last year have been with us all week, and one of them told us that she had never spoken French before and she made it. Speaking of, this is a testament to the trainers here. They are all amazing; and the PC language program is known as one of the most intense and efficient (and difficult?) in the world.

Miscellany: Erm… we have met a billion people this week. Sunday night’s dinner was at the CD’s house. Beautiful place, amazing food, lots of guests from the Embassy. On Wednesday we got to meet the American ambassador to Cameroon, who happens to be a former PCV and just an incredible guy, overall. Yesterday, the head of the EU Delegation Commission came to see us. A very smart and amusing Spanish guy. What else… Oh. After an incredibly depressing video about volunteers coming back from service with AIDS (Cameroon has the highest rate of HIV infection in Africa, and also the largest amount of volunteers who have come back HIV positive), Chad (one of our PCMOs) asked for some volunteers from the Health and from the Agro (Agriculture/Forestry) to come up. He then placed some “toys” on the table and the condom relay race began. Our team won, obviously. I mean, come on. We’re “Health.”

On a different note, it is a shame that more people do not visit Africa; otherwise, we would get credit for our incredible alcohol tolerance. Walking to and from the PC office, I have seen people outside of bars drinking at 8 AM. Those Russians and the rest of them Europeans ain’t got nothing on us. At dinner the other day, we were sitting with one of the PCVs, Jenny. She was the only one at the table who had not received her meal yet, so everyone was waiting. Then she looked at us and laughed, telling us to go ahead and eat; she then explained to us that in Cameroon they do not wait for everyone to get their food to eat, but they do wait for everyone to get their alcoholic beverage to drink. Such reverence. Hhmmm… In the past week I have received 8 vaccinations and taken 2 malaria prophylaxes, and there is much more to come. Not taking your pills will earn you the “Pan-Am Award,” which is what they used to say back in the day when someone was “Administratively Separated.” Yep, they will kick you out for it. Well, that is, if you don’t die first J.

And on that note… Fin.

"Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway."
~ Mary Kay Ash

The Real World

2006-10-04T14:30:00.000+01:00

We were checking out of the hotel last Friday, hanging around in the lobby and waiting for our busses, when we got our first taste of “The Real World.”
Female Trainee #1: (points at the door) Ohmigod! Is that MJ?!
Male Trainee #1: Who?
Female Trainee #2: MJ! From the Philadelphia cast of The Real World!
Female Trainees (collectively): SQQQEEEE!! EEEEE!!! OOOHH!! It is!!! Ohmigod! So cute!
Male Trainees (collectively): Umm… sure…

By this time, MJ had realized that we had recognized him and exited the lobby with his friend. One of the girls then followed him out to ask him if he was, indeed, who we thought he was. We watched through the glass walls as she jumped up and down at his affirmation. Now, with the exception of one Angelina Jolie, I do not have much of a celebrity fascination. However, I will say that the boy was fine and much taller in person. Take that, Sheela! This soooo beats the time that you met Brad at Hard Rock. No one even remembers what cast he was on. Though he does make you look good (OOOooohhh!! Burned! Just kidding! I heart you! :D)

What was that? Ohh! You thought that by “The Real World” I was referring to my Peace Corps experience thus far. Well, if I suppose that is a little more real than reality TV.

Staging:
From Wednesday to Friday we had “Staging” in the historic district of Philadelphia. It involved a lot policy, a lot of patience, a bit of partying, and more vaccinations. I must say that we were very well taken care of. The hotel was incredibly nice and PC even gave us each a debit card with an absurd amount of cash on it to use for our meals until Friday. Our group started out with 32 (16 Health/16 Agro-Forestry) trainees. Quite the opposite of RPI, with 23 females and 9 males. 5 married people (2 couples and one guy who was here w/o his wife) and quite a number of others who are here without their significant others. I am one of the youngest (as always:p) at 21, with the average age of trainees being 23/24. It is a wonderful group of people from all over the map as far as location and life, in general. Of course you have the fresh off the boat undergrad grads, as well as the graduate school grads. But we also have everything else under the sun! Farmers, park rangers, physical therapists, educators, etc. And I have the best roommate luck in the world:D (Lob you, Kanene!)! Our original group of 32 is now down to 30. Anywho, the days were long and I saw my parents about a billion times before I left (My dad works 2 blocks away from the hotel we stayed in), yet I think that they were still not ready for me to leave. Parents :]

Arrival:
You would think that after being herded around by my tribe of a family, I would be used to traveling in large numbers. Our Staging director said au revoir to us Friday morning. We were at the airport by 2:00, where our Staging coordinators said good bye. It was a bit of a surprise that they were just throwing us on the plane and leaving. But I suppose that we are big boys and girls now; all edumacated with our fancy degrees and whatnot. Our plane did not leave until 7:30 PM… arrived in Paris at 2:30 AM (8:30 AM, Parisian time)… left Paris around 6:00 AM (Noon, Parisian time)… Arrived in Douala, Cameroon around 1:00 PM (6:00 PM Cameroonian time)… and finally Yaounde, Cameroon around 2:15 PM (7:15 PM, Cameroonian time). Jet lag much? Hardly anyone slept on the flights, and we were all suffering from cabin fever (airplane joke!) and feeling pretty dirty when we were met by the Cameroon CD (County Director), one of our PCMOs (Peace Corps Medical Officers), and 2 current PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteers). Of course, all of the Cameroonians stared at such a frightfully large group of melanin-challenged people (oh! And myself!), but we were much too tired and confused to care. Surprisingly, everyone’s luggage made it safely to Yaounde. They piled all of us into the official Peace Corps vehicles (I got to ride in one of the Land Cruisers!! :D) and off to the hotel we went.

This is getting much too long, so I will stop boring you for now. Thank you all so very much for all of the lovely emails and comments and whatnot! I apologize for not being able to respond to them right away, but our computer time is very limited right now. But I will get to it:D Eventually :] Time is a strange concept in the third world… just look at my Mom. :/ Anywho, point is that I am doing more than fine. And I am so ready for this ride :] Hope all is well with all of you also :]

Lastly, for all of you who think that I am in the middle of nowhere, check what we saw on our tour yesterday:

We be ridin’ dirty.

“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”
~ Helen Keller.

Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi... Ce Soir?

2006-09-26T05:54:00.000+01:00

This is the extent of my mastery of the language with which I am supposed to be fluent in by December, less than 3 months away. Ironic, considering the fact that I will be celibate for the next 2 years (Yes, yes... Unless, you come to visit me, Christopher! :::insert coy smile here:::).

If you have found yourself at this page then you either a) Know that I am up to something crazy b) Did not know what I was up to, but knew that I was crazy or c) Are incredibly bored. For those who would like some background information: I graduated this year from RPI with a degree in biochemistry & biophysics (I don't know what I was thinking either). After much introspection and several self vs. self moments, I went a little psycho... deferred some grad school admissions... and signed my life away to the United States government! Awesome, I know:D

By this weekend, I will be in Cameroon. The question I have recieved the most about this last bit of information is, "What is a Cameroon?" ...Cameroon is not a type of cookie, candy, nor cake. Nor is it a tropical island, a cruise ship, or a Mexican city. You people need a globe or an education or something... For those of you who are more geographically-inclined, you can see that Cameroon is only a few landmine fields away from both my home (Ghana) and the home of Zahara Jolie-Pitt (Namibia).

Anyhow, there is a Peace Corps saying that goes "Volunteers who go to Asia return Buddhists. From Latin & South America, they return Revolutionaries. From Africa... Alcoholics." I wonder if they have grenadine there?

Honestly, I am not really sure what you guys will do without me. I am sure that some of you will experience a tearful night or twelve, and others may need a few rounds of therapy. Below you will find the requisite horrifically dorky n00b (Yah, I said "n00b.") pictures to lessen your pain. Don't cry now; this is not good bye. As they (we?) say in French, "A bientot!"