Dearest Larium,

I just do not understand. I know that we have only had the chance to rendezvous just a few times thus far… and perhaps it is too early in our relationship for me to expect much more from you… But… why? Tell me why you give others such abundant pleasure, yet only leave me feeling dizzy and nauseous. This is Cameroon, so I’m cool with the whole polygamy thing, but are you playing favorites?

I take you when I can, at approximately the same time each week. Right after lunch. Thought you liked that. Then what is up? Look, like I said in the beginning… I’m in this for the long haul. I am committed to you. Forget Doxycycline… though my skin would always glow afterwards... You just need to pull yourself together a bit, clean your act up.

And what was with that Cookie Monster scenario? Is that the best you can do? I have had more lucid moments without even trying. I suppose the hallucinations were an attempt at something… but, honestly. Swirling flower petals? It could be worse, but you know that I hate that movie.

I’m beginning to think you’re a little overrated. But you’re still better than the alternative.

Much love,
Me

posted by Me at 11:15 AM